Review: Snakes on a Plane

Quick Note: Sorry I haven't posted something new in a while. I'm currently very immersed in another writing project so that's been taking up a lot of my free time. Here's a post I wrote and meant to post a while back on a modern cult classic!

My Edition: Single disc widescreen day one release copy.

History: This one has quite a bit of history. Essentially it was one of the first movies to be born from the internet, if not THE first. Snakes on a Plane started out as the movie's working title and was at one point going to be titled Pacific Air Flight 121. It was also originally going to be directed by Ronny Yu (who previously directed Freddy vs. Jason and a ton of movies back in China) but left due to creative differences and was replaced by David Ellis (may he rest in peace). The movie's B-ticket style gained tons of popularity online and even somewhat determined how the movie turned out in the end. It was originally being aimed at a wider audience with a PG-13 rating, but after the internet spoke up there were re-shoots done to make it an R with some intense snake violence. It also spawned the famous line, "I've had it with these mother fucking snakes on this mother fucking plane!" spoken by Samuel L. Jackson and is now one of his most quoted lines. Speaking of Sam Jackson, there was a point where his agent insisted the title be changed because Sam "couldn't" work on a movie with it's original title. When Sam found out about this he opposed it saying the only reason he accepted the role was because of the title. The movie released at #1 on it's opening weekend and eventually grossed a little over $60 Million. It remains a cult classic and if you watch the bonus feature that talks about the fans on the DVD you'll see tons of examples of fan art and projects based around the movie. One of those items includes a destruction derby car with 'Snakes on a Car' painted across the hood with a snake drawing, something that my freshman college roommate designed.

Personal History: I saw this opening weekend, actually at a Thursday night early screening with a few friends of mine. The place was packed with people all my age and mindset ready to see Sam Jackson kick snake ass! Got the DVD immediately when it hit stores and have watched it countless times since.

Review: Snakes on a Plane is truly a unique title. It's a movie that was born out of the bizarre sense of the humor that is thrown around on the internet through memes and other jokes. I do think this movie could have existed in a previous decade only it wouldn't be the same approach. I'm imagining a way too serious horror film with the same theme and not nearly as fun of a title. So for it being what it is, is what makes it so great. Cause the whole thing is one big joke and that's what I think a lot of people were missing when this first came out. Let me stop myself right there before I go much further. I'm starting to sound like one of my pet peeves. It's okay for people to simply not like this movie despite if they get the joke or not. Maybe it's not their sense of humor. However I think that the perspective on it is absurd because it's seen as so stupid, when a lot of people I believe don't get that the point is for it to be stupid like that. Snakes on a Plane is not a horror movie. It's a comedy that tells the jokes straight faced, and that's what I like about it.
Quick sidenote on comedy. My favorite kind of comedy is when it's just like this. Let the jokes do the work. I like not just dead-pan humor, but straight faced acting that goes with it. I do not like the Adam Sandler-type of comedy where it has the actors telling jokes but trying to be funny in the process. This is why I liked, let's say, Airplane for example. Leslie Nielson is absolutely brilliant because he's not jumping around trying to act silly. The comedy is in his portrayal. He takes a comedic scripts but plays it like a drama and it's way funnier than it would ever be if it were the "trying to act funny" kind of comedy. Now I realize comparing Snakes on a Plane to Airplane is both unfair and appropriate at the same time. Unfair because it's a comparison to the Zucker Brothers who have stood the test of time with their comedies, but appropriate because it's on a plane. But all I'm trying to say is that this movie is clearly a comedy. Whether or not you get the joke it's a comedy. I just think that since it plays the comedy straight then people get confused about what it really is.
I am playing it off like this movie has a lot of hate. I don't think that's the case. It hasn't lived through the ages cause I think anyone looks at it like they look at a Furby. A fad that was huge for a little while but now is an old forgotten joke. But in the movie's defense it had a niche audience from the start. This was never meant for the mainstreams. It knew who would love it and it focused on that to make it perfect for those people. I think that's what I liked about it so much. Instead of trying to appeal to everyone it just did what it could to appeal to the people who wanted it. It's very Kevin Smith-like. And all in all the movie is honest. It doesn't try to sell you on anything less. It says right there in the title, Snakes on a Plane. The fact that it presented itself in such a way shows it knows that it is. If it was call something like Flight 42, or something like that it would give the impression that it is trying to be something different. It would be false advertising. I love the fact that it is titled Snakes on a Plane. Like many others that title sold me on the movie alone.

Okay let's talk about the actual movie instead of my crush I have for it. As you can imagine, this is a movie about snakes who show up on a plane. But the thing is that there needs to be some level, even the slightest, of logic that may make sense to get the snakes on the plane. Really anyone who is legitimately interested in this movie for what it is doesn't care about the plot but I guess it's somewhat necessary. So in short there are snakes on the plane because an unsuspecting citizen of Hawaii stumbles upon a murder by some mob dude. After barely escaping Samuel L. Jackson (playing himself) shows up at his place telling the witness that they need to fly to LA so he can testify against this mob dude. So they jump on the plane and take off and that's when shit hits the fan, cause Mr Mob Man snuck on a whole mess of snakes to take down the witness and everyone else on board. The scenes with this guy and the brief scenes of investigation surrounding it are easily the least interesting parts. For one, it's shoehorned, and therefore cliche. Secondly, who cares cause I came to see snakes. Lastly, it takes time away from Sam Jackson on screen, the only thing more people are interested in seeing above the snakes. I guess having the character in the story was necessary or else it's just a plane full of snakes for no reason. Maybe the (mob dude) could have been so much wackier or over the top like everything else here. Then maybe it would have been better when he was on screen. Thankfully these scenes are very brief.
Now all the characters on the plane itself are pretty wild as well. There's the germaphobic rapper who is constantly applying hand sanitizer. Then there are his two goofy "bodyguards" (I guess), one of which is played by Kenan Thompson! There's a new mother, a martial artist, a pompous business man, the male stewardess who everyone thinks is gay, a Paris Hilton-esque character, and the list goes on. These very un-P.C. stereotypes are a part of what gives the movie as a whole it's B-Ticket fun! Also a lot of them are pretty much bitches or dicks so you find yourself rooting for the snakes because you want to see these people dead, most of them.

Unlike the way the birds start attacking out of nowhere in Birdemic the typical horror fashion kicks in with a slow progression of kills by the snakes before it becomes flat out insanity. When I went to the first screening of this there was a lot of laughs and cheering at different parts but I think these first kills got some of the biggest screams. The first couple kills we see happen in the bathroom on board. One is when a guy is taking a leak. The snake comes up from the toilet and snatches on the guy's dick. We see him thrashing about while swinging the snake around everywhere and it is absolutely hilarious! The other is when a young, attractive couple go into the other bathroom to join the mile high club. While they're making out and getting naked they get attacked. And yes, the girl gets her tit bit. These caused a hilarious reaction in the theatre and whenever I watch it at home with a group. It's a great way to make fun of the typical horror movie tropes of having a kill either during or around a sex scene.
What happens next is complete insanity. Suddenly snakes are everywhere. All the different kills that come up seem to try and top the last one. A man gets trampled and then a woman's heel digs into his ear, people are getting bitten and swelling up having a puss-filled death. It's just complete insanity from here on out until the plane lands. But outside of the insanity there is something you'll discover. Somehow in the mix of all these crazy characters who are essentially glorified stereotypes, you'll find you have empathy for some of them. One good example revolves around two young boys who are going to meet their mom in L.A. They are flying alone. The younger of the two brothers is bitten by one of the snakes causing his arm to swell up really bad. While waiting and anticipating what will happen next, and then when the new mom comes to the rescue but sucking the poison out of his arm you feel this great sense of release and care for the kid. The great thing is that despite the silliness of the story and character execution you may be dang near brought to tears because of some of their actions (Maybe a slight exaggeration). The other prime example I have is when the very likable older lady stewardess runs into a crowd of snakes to save a helpless baby. The poor woman is of course bitten but the baby is safe. It's a bummer because she was a really fun character so seeing her die, and in such a heroic and heartfelt way, it tugs at the heart strings.

I think I may be thinking too hard because I'm honestly having trouble figuring out what all to talk about. I mean, the thing is that there's not a lot of depth but in the crazy B-Ticket department it's just so wonderful. So there's not much of the story or character to discuss. It's just that this is one of those titles that really needs to be seen to believe. If I keep talking it'll just be me describing all the other crazy shit that happens throughout and part of the fun is not seeing it coming. Much like I sated earlier all the kills just get weirder and weirder. Even the way they fight back can get great, too! One of my favorite parts of the movie is when the male stewardess is fighting one of the smaller snakes, and kills it off by picking up, throwing it in the microwave and blasting it on while screaming, "Who's your daddy now, bitch!" followed by a snake literally exploding. And a lot of the other stuff I don't even want to try and describe here because I won't do it justice. Just know that what else happens in this movie is both insane and hilarious. The dickhole characters get what's coming to them, too. Another one of my favorite scenes is towards the end when the jerk of a businessman gets eaten whole by the (big snake).
Now over the course of the third act the story does need to come into play again to help resolve the issue. Since a lot of people were bitten and nobody on board knows anything about snake venom they're stressing out big time on who will live and who will die when they land. So they call up one crazy character of a snake expert who is also kind of a dick but a dick that's easier to work with. Basically everything that happens on ground from here on out is like a watered down crime show with another cliche of a cop character tracking down the bad guy so they can get all the right antidotes to the exotic snakes. It makes you want to get back on the plane which does happen pretty quickly.
So essentially through the rest of the movie they find an insane way to get all the snakes off the plane, then find out that Kenan Thompson has over 1000 hours of flight experience putting him in the captain's chair, we then find out it's for a video game and that he was never able to land, etc etc etc, tension ensues, celebration. It's just hard to talk about this cause it's such a crowd movie. Part of the fun is watching it with a crowd and I don't think I've ever watched this movie alone come to think of it. I've seen it multiple times but every single time has been with people. And it's always been a blast because it is straight up good fun. So watching on your own would probably be fine if you're into intentionally chessy and over the top flicks, but I still think you would have a better time with it if you watched it with a willing group of good friends.

And the movie's credit sequence song is really badass.

Review: A Haunted House

Version I Watched: Redbox DVD rental

History: Was released on January 11th 2013 which was originally the release date of Scary Movie V. The movie had a budget of $2.5 Million and it wound up making nearly $60 Million worldwide. It was received mostly with negative reviews but a sequel is already in the works.

Personal History: I'm just as surprised as you are.

Review: It's true I am a fan of bad/good movies. I recently exclaimed on my FB page how I'm planning on pre-ordering Sharknado to add to my collection of other bad/good movies like the Puppetmaster movies and Mega Piranha. But some movies are just so bad they move beyond becoming good and become bad again... or were just bad in the first place. In this case I want to touch on spoof comedies. I talked about in my Mafia review that in the recent years there's been a lack of quality in spoof comedies. We used to have Naked Gun, not much anymore. In recent years we've had multiple Scary Movie titles and then the craptastic Friedberg/Seltzer comedies like Date Movie, Epic Movie, and Disaster Movie. The only truly great spoof comedy there's been in the last decade or more has honestly been Black Dynamite (Don't worry, I've got something planned for that one). So whenever a new one comes out that isn't a sequel (i.e. Scary Movie V) it's understandable to be very skeptical. But in terms of A Haunted House... could have been worse.

I don't know what drew me to this one. I had no interest in it when it came out in theatres and passed it off as just another one of "those" comedies. Did I want to see it just to see how bad it was? Or did I have a legitimate interest in it? Any way you look at it I decided to pick it up. And the following may surprise you. I actually laughed a lot during the movie.
Something that usually takes me out of these more recent spoof comedies is that they look crazy cheap. For an example here's the trailer to Scary Movie V. One of Scary Movie's biggest downfalls over most of their movies is that they try to cram as many references together as they can regardless of relevance. Because of that everything looks out of place and that it doesn't belong. Now take a look at the trailer for A Haunted House. Now, while it doesn't mimic Paranormal Activity, The Last Exorcism, or The Devil Inside it gives off a better vibe of satire right from the get go. And what I liked about A Haunted House so much is that it knew it's theme and it stuck with it. This has benefited from the fact that it's from Marlon Wayans who was one of the writers on the first Scary Movie which was pretty decent (I'm sure if I watched it now it wouldn't be as wonderful as I remember). And overall Marlon Wayans, along with the rest of the Wayans brothers, are pretty funny guys. So they know what they're doing. They have experience with pretty fun comedy. Not smart comedy, more so unintelligent dirty comedy that's just fun to laugh at for an easy watch.
But that's what A Haunted House was. A low down dirty good time. Most of the humor was sexual and Marlon Wayans exploiting stereotypical black humor/reactions. There's even one part where Malcolm (Marlon Wayans) refuses to go into a room because he said if they were watching their story in a movie theatre then some black folks would be screaming not to go in the room. And I hope this doesn't come off weird (especially since I'm as white as a college ruled notebook) but I enjoy humor like this from time to time. I enjoyed the Nutty Professor movies back in the day, and whenever I see a fast talking black character in modern comedies I find them hilarious, and yes in the way they intend it to be funny (hashtag not racist). So honestly there were plenty of moments when this movie made me laugh out loud. But I guess that's mostly what can be said about this. It's a fun example of losing yourself in some silly humor. I'm just glad that they chose a style and theme and actually stuck with it.
Don't start to think this means the spoof comedy is starting to come around again. Hardly. I wish it would come back the way it used to be. And while I laughed a lot at this there were a ton of times when they were trying way too hard with some of their jokes, or they went on way too long. Mostly with the sexual humor. Early in the movie Malcolm is excited for sex and he's showing his camera what he's gonna do when his girl returns. He uses a stuffed animal and if it went on for maybe ten to fifteen second that would be one thing. It had to have lasted at lease a minute or longer. It kept going and it felt like it would never end. Also there was an ongoing joke where Nick Swardson's character kept not so subtly trying to have gay sex with Malcolm. I did however enjoy seeing Cedric the Entertainer. He's always made me laugh when I see him. Also one part that I was surprised I enjoyed was a joke that started as way too over the top. Later in the movie there's a moment when Malcolm is raped by the demon that haunts their house. It was of course all caught on camera and since the demon is invisible, then all you see is his ass in the air while screaming. A bit over the top. But when his girl watched it and she's laughing so hard at the video while Malcolm has his hand over his face out of embarrassment it made me crack up.
But probably my favorite joke in the entire movie was when Malcolm's girl said, "I may have failed to mention I sold my soul to the devil when I was younger."

I guess there's not much else to say about it. Kinda hard to talk about this movie without talking about the jokes specifically. But my overall, even shorter review is this. It's silly, it's stupid, but it made me laugh. It's not a higher grade of spoof comedy (especially now that I re-watched Black Dynamite the other day) but I feel it's an improvement that did more right than wrong. Just don't expect too much out of it. I don't want to oversell it cause I don't know if it'll be as funny as I remember it if/when I see it again.

Review: Sadako 3D

Version I Own: Non-3D region 3 DVD from Hong Kong

History: I found very little on this one. Basically it's based on the novel S by Koji Suzuki who wrote the original Ring books this entire franchise has been based on. It was released in Japan on May 12th 2012 with little to no release elsewhere. During it's run there was one particular screening that was in 4D where at key moments the theatre would fill with smoke and the audience's legs would be grabbed from under the seat.

Personal History: I've had my eyes on this one since I first found out about it around the time I started this blog because I wrote about it. This is my first viewing of the newest entry in one of my favorite franchises.

Review: When you're a long time fan of any franchise whether it's a book, movie, or a video game you're bound to be disappointed at some point if the creators (or new creators) keep cranking out new installments. So you should naturally anticipate sequels or alternate takes on the story will not be that great. Not even great. Sometimes you just need to anticipate a horrible mess so you don't wind up disappointed every time. This is why when I saw Paranormal Activity 4 I got what I expected, a lesser experience that added little to nothing to the overall series. But I was curious none the less. I think you can see where I'm going. Basically Sadako 3D is another one of those examples. As big of a fan of this franchise I've gone through many interpretations and expansions on the story. Some are great, some are terrible, and some I have very mixed feelings on. So my expectations for Sadako 3D were very low, especially after seeing the trailer. I knew it would be bad. I knew it wouldn't provide enough new to the story to be considered a worthy addition. What I didn't know was some of the directions it would attempt to go in to try and scare the audiences. Some of them were somewhat expected, but others were out of left field and a poor attempt. Anyway, getting to it.

The first thing I noticed about this movie within the first few minutes was how it took a totally different direction in style from the previous stories. It had a very fast paced, quick cut style to it and even some shaky cam. The opening credits were blurred in and out in a rough font like someone scribbled them on the screen. The score was a bass heavy booming "scaaaAAAAaaary" music that was trying too hard. And so forth and so forth. In short it looked and felt right off the bat like an American remake of a classic horror movie. It reminded me of the remakes of A Nightmare On Elm Street and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003, not 2013, the one from 2013 was surprisingly amazing!). But more importantly these opening moments felt like what the American remake of Ring could have been. Thank the Lord it wasn't, as the actual remake from around a decade ago did manage to capture a good portion of what made the original great. No, this had that feeling of a super Americanized remake but coming from the country of the story's origin. It felt like the original story was taken as the base but made changes to make it suit a more mainstream audience or something.
Now in a sense there were some changes that needed to be made to have it properly appeal to a modern audience. It can still have the same kinds of scares as the older movies (which it doesn't) but one part that is severely outdated now is the tech that initiates the plot. In the first adaptations of Ring as it was in the books the curse was spread via a cursed video. This video was on a mysterious VHS tape. I'd like to think that audiences could get behind the creep factor that a tape would give off what with the fuzzy and distorted images from multiple viewings (or copies spoiler alert for a story that's over ten years old). In a way it makes more sense to have the cursed video on tape if anything because of reasons I just stated. Also, think about this. How scary is a scratched up DVD? It skips. It doesn't distort or warp like a tape does. It freezes up and you may need to skip to the next chapter. Way less scary from a pure aesthetic perspective. But in the case of Sadako 3D it's an online clip. That's even less scary! And I can sum it up in one short sentence. 404 File Not Found.
The supposedly scary parts of the movie were so poorly done and 404 is the poorest attempt of them all. Seriously, watch the trailer and in there they treat the 404 error like it is something so terrifying and if you even look on the poster it is there, too. It's like the movie is being sold on an element that is more annoying than scary. The 404 error is in reference to the cursed (now video clip online instead of a mysterious tape) footage that will kill anyone who watches it and how the page won't load the video. The cursed video this time around is also completely different. And not just different in terms of how it interpreted the mysterious imagery. All this was, was footage of a man supposedly killing himself on camera via a live feed and it's the recorded footage that's circling the internet. Obviously there's more to it than that and he didn't kill himself. He was killed by a mysterious being but there's no sign of the body and so forth and so forth you know the deal. Eventually we do get to see the video where he is flying through the air as if being held up by someone being choked to death. Well who do you think was holding him up? Of course, Sadako. And now I move onto some of the parts that bug me the most.

Sadako is a terrifying character. She was born with special abilities that could kill someone with little to no effort. She was murdered when she was still a young woman but still haunts the world in the modern day. She hates the human race so much she wants it wiped out completely and plans to take everyone one by one. Also her appearance is scary. She is a tall woman with a white dress that is wet, dirty, and moldy showing how long she's been down the well. Her long black hair covers her face making her even more mysterious. She has a distinct look and it's creepy. Leave it to Sadako 3D to make this scary character look terrible.
Sadako in Sadako 3D doesn't look like Sadako. Yes she has the white dress, but it looks cheap. Yes she has the long black hair, but it's greatly exaggerated and literally touches the floor. Also she uses as a weapon in multiple scenes. Basically overall it's a Sadako that looks like a Halloween costume or a parody from a movie like Scary Movie. She does not look or feel like Sadako. She looks and feels like a totally different character. But they sure tried hard. Remember a couple sentences ago when I talked about how long her has is? And how it's used as a weapon? Well the theme of this movie IS hair. Her long black hair is everywhere and is used for multiple purposes, specifically to try and make things look scarier. But can you blame them for trying? I guess committing to it is better than throwing it away. But the hair is used like Zombies in modern American horror. The more the merrier I guess. Seems like if you need something scary you can just throw in some zombies and it's an instant horror tale and I guess the same must apply here with her hair. Long black hair is a common theme for Japanese horror but this is just overkill. But that's only one of many things that felt off.
So many things just didn't feel like a Ring film. It's weird cause I've seen almost every version of these stories. Some amazing and some horrendous. But there was one thing they had in common. They all somewhat felt like a Ring tale. I even dug the poorly done 13 episode mini-series based on the second Ring book, Spiral. That adaptation went off the rails by going very fast and loose with the story, but it was still somewhat interesting with some unique ideas. But so many things in Sadako 3D didn't feel like Ring. I'll try and summarize or else I could go on all day.
First, this is supposed to be a sequel, right? Then why is there no recognition of at least the rumors about a cursed video tape from the 90s? Usually urban legends like that would go around. I would almost expect some of the adults in the movie may have heard about it when they were in middle/high school. That really bugged me. Next, why does Sadako now kill instantly? Nowhere else in the stories has Sadako ever killed so instantly. The older stories gave a sense of coming terror with a chance of false hope that may or may not work. It was a brilliant method of pacing and atmosphere. Whereas here you have Sadako literally reaching her hand out of the monitor the very moment you watch the video (sometimes not even when you do watch the video). Next, TV portals. For some reason Sadako now NEEDS a TV to be able to attack. Or a monitor of some kind like a cell phone. Keep that in mind knowing that the whole TV trick was thought up by the filmmakers of the first theatrical Ring movie from 1998. A monitor isn't something she needs to attack. It's something that is an ability, but not her entire means of attack. Lastly, fucking spider Sadakos. Everything was going terrible up to this point and this somehow made it worse. In the third act of the movie a couple of the leads go to the well that Sadako was thrown into to investigate. It was no surprise to see that Sadako crawled out. But it wasn't just her, it was her but with insanely long spider-like legs and attacked like she was a mindless demon from hell. She was quickly defeated only to be followed up by a good dozen more of the SAME THING! This took a lot of credibility from the character in this adaptation cause it made her look weak. And she was very easily defeated in the end, surprisingly.
All in all when it comes down to it this didn't feel like a Ring movie and could have easily been about anything else. This could have been The Unborn, this could have been Darkness Falls, this could have been The Messengers. Basically any of the generic cookie cut horror movies from the last 10 years about demons or angry spirits felt just as creative and scary as this one. It's hard to recognize this as a Ring title. Maybe the concept of Sadako online just works better on paper. Or at the very least in the hands of a more competent set of actors and filmmakers. But what's probably one of the most unsettling is that fact that it's based on a novel by Koji Suzuki, the writer of the fucking original stories!
I was in denial thinking about that. I wonder if this is a case where the adaptation is very poorly done and the novel is a lot better. It just blows my mind that the original writer could turn something so great that he created into something completely unrecognizable from his previous works. I would really like to read the novel but it is yet to be translated. So until that day comes (if it ever does) I guess I'll just be left to wonder or learn to read Japanese. But at least it can't be as bad as The Ring: Terror's Realm, the video game adaption for Sega Dreamcast. I hear that is abysmally horrendously terrible.

Before I close out I found something when doing some of my history research. There's unsurprisingly going to be a sequel. I'll provide the link for the article I read here. It does have some cool ideas with the 4D experience, but I can't imaging this would be much if any better than the first one.

Ignorant American Gaming: Persona 4 Golden

Dear Persona 4 Golden,
There's something deep in my heart I want to tell you. It's something I've been holding inside and now I want to express it publicly. When I first saw you and your brothers and sisters Shin Megami Tensei and the other Persona titles I knew little about you. Something seemed different about you. Something unique. You were mysterious yet you looked beautiful from what I could tell. You're like the quiet pretty girl at school that not a lot of people know. You may not have the largest group of friends and lovers, but those you have really love you and I can see why. The first of which were your lovers on the excellent podcast Retronauts. It was there that I heard about you and the rest of your family in extensive details. I was immediately interested and wanted to get to know you better. There was just one problem, the only games I could play I either had to pay a premium price or get a new console that would have your titles!
But then a shining savior came that is Sony and graced their digital store with a rom of Persona 3 FES. I immediately got online to buy it (since my PS3 model doesn't play PS2 games but this PS2 rom will). I couldn't express how excited I was to start playing. Unfortunately in the end I didn't play it as much as I thought I would but do plan on getting back into it eventually. Not sure why. But that's for another day. We're here to talk about you, Persona 4 Golden.
After the announcement of the next generation of consoles I was pretty uninterested in what was being offered. The intense focus on online and TV left a sour taste in my mouth. I just wanted the games. You know, a game console for just games, call me crazy. But something that started catching my attention was the Playstation Vita. It had been years since I was a part of the portable gaming scene and with my lack of excitement for what was coming I decided it was time to return. As popular as Nintendo is I decided that wasn't the route for me. I went straight back to Sony and I'm glad I did. When I finally did get a Vita I made sure the first game I picked up (outside of COD which came with the console) was you, Persona 4 Golden. When I popped you in I knew I was in for a great experience, but little did I know that what I would experience would be the best and most immersive experiences I've had in a game in years. Not since Metal Gear Solid 4.
Now I must say I'm usually a bit hesitant when something is very anime themed. And since your game is just that I was a little worried, however I did my best to keep the faith alive that I would enjoy it. It's not that I don't like anime period, I just am not as into it as I used to be. I'm a lot more picky now. But your first good call was how you handled the style in your game. The cutscenes that are actual animations are few and far between, and when they do come up they're short, sweet, and straight to the point. Because of this your anime cutscenes are really well done. They convey the excellent story within the game. Oh, the story, the story story story I love this story. What I liked about it the most is that for a game as huge as this you really jumped right into it and said what the story was and how it would play out. It's a really unique approach to what's essentially a murder mystery. But there's so much more to it than that and that's what I love about it! But that's mostly because of one major thing, the immersion.
I honestly don't think I've ever been as immersed as I've been with your game my sweet sweet Persona. I've played other games with silent protagonists where you customize their name and other features but your's has immersed me more than any other character I've customized. Even though the character is already designed and has specific elements set in stone outside of the name customization I still felt this silent-ish (thank you for letting him talk by the way) was way more relatable and immersive than any other protagonist I've seen or played as. For once you actually made me feel like I was the character and that I was interacting in a story where these other characters were my friends. I got to know them progressively over a long period of time instead of all at once. While my character's friendship with them grew deeper so did my interest in these characters. I watched them like many people watch TV shows in a long run. I was invested in them and always wanted to know what came next and legitimately cared about what happened to them in a story. I rarely have that level of dedication to characters in shows/movies let alone video games which are known for being a bit lacking on the character end. Also I find it amazing how fleshed out and well rounded all the characters are!
Seriously Persona! You did a knock out job with the characters! Almost every character I found relatable and could even connect to someone I've known from high school and college. Youske is for a lack of better words your bro. He talks big a lot and clearly shows he's hot for the ladies. On the surface he seems shallow but as you get to know him he has depth at a level you would have never guessed. Chie is that fun girl who is more like one of the boys. She's easy to hang out with because of her love of king fu movies, and even though it doesn't always show she may secretly have a crush on you. Yukiko is that beautiful yet quiets girl who never really acts out. So when she does it's very surprising. Rise is that popular girl who you're surprised hangs out with you but is just as surprisingly down to earth like you wouldn't expect. And then Kanji is that tough guy who has super sweet side but is very insecure about it. All of them are really fleshed out and you slowly watch them grow as the story continues. In many cases this felt more like an interactive storybook than a video game. That's one of the many reasons I love you so much Persona 4 Golden, you took me in like almost no other video game ever has. I do like story in games but more recently I've been more interested in just getting to the action. But your story and characters wanted me living that day to day life more than anything else. Not to say I didn't like the gamey part of the game.
As you may already know my sweet buttercup, I love RPGs. Specifically JRPGs (sometime begrudgingly). And one of the make or break points in the game is not just the story, some of which you have to be VERY forgiving with, but the combat system. If the combat system isn't your cup of tea then it's not going to be very long before you grow tired of the game. Your combat is so accessible I can't believe it. For years I've been hard wired to the Final Fantasy method of battle so it took some getting used to. Like when I first got my Persona I saw it more like the summons in any given FF game. Something you use that's more powerful but not all the time. No, Persona 4 Golden, my buttercup, you integrated it into the battles and it made for exciting battles. Also the auto-battles from the other characters gave a different strategy instead of direct control over them (despite that option being available). This is another great example of immersion. I was in control of myself but everyone else made their own choices in battle. The battles are filled with varieties of enemies all with different weaknesses whether it's lightning or fire or whatever. Speaking of enemies, let's talk about the boss battles.
The boss battles were pretty incredible if not in design alone. I love how the boss fights are the shadows of each person, showing their other side they're not willing to accept and they are designed that way intentionally. Rise's shadow being the Risette side of her, the celebrity side, showing that a part of her is the overly sexualized character she's been portraying on a day to day basis. Not to mention Teddie's shadow, too! The "mascot" of this game even had a shadow and it was a pretty incredible turn of events. But my favorite is much later in the game when you catch up to the killer. I don't want to spoil much for the readers, which is something I know you'll understand Persona 4 Golden, but I loved this design like crazy. Only going into visuals he was angelic at first glance, pitch black skin with very thin red stripes going across his body vertically, wearing a t-shirt that has the love and peace logo, and wearing a gigantic spinning halo. Hard to describe properly for the proper imagination but I loved it, and that may only be partially because he reminded me of the later scenes in The Lawnmower Man but I think there's more to it than that.
Now the Persona's. OHHHHHH BABY the Personas!!!!! There were times when I would grind just so I could collect more Personas and see what sort of fusions I could pull together. It's like it became a more adult friendly version of Pokemon. I was definitely trying to "catch" them all, or at least I want to. They all are crazy unique creatures, all with different stats that will determine the power of their shared abilities. I must say when the fusion element was introduced I was a bit worried because I thought it may be a bit overly complicated. Like some alchemist abilities in the more "hardcore" RPGs, usually western. But no, Persona 4 Golden, you make it just as approachable as your battles, as your inventory, as your characters, as your story.
Might I say thank you for the incredibly down to earth story. I used to make love to games like FFVII that had an out of this world world and an even more out of this world story. In short I was looking for something epic. But you, my sweet honey, have a story that takes place in a high school, with characters that are recognizable and relatable. It's very straightforward a plot which makes it easy to get into. There are murders, it somehow involves something called The Midnight Channel, and it's up to you to stop the murders. It's not pretentious and despite all the fog elements in your game, you're far from smug (lame attempt at a joke I know but it made me think of that episode of South Park with the Hybrids and the smug attitude). You don't take yourself too seriously. Quite the opposite. You are very willing to make fun of yourself but are serious when it is necessary. Much like late in the game when everything changes drastically and you make the player make a game changing decision. It was heavy and I felt the weight of the situation, especially with what happened just before it. Sadly I made the choice that seemed to give me the "bad" ending, although I would call it less of the bad ending and more like the unfulfilled, anti-climactic ending.
And because of that along with the passion I have for you Persona 4 Golden is why I didn't want things to end there. It all seemed to come so quickly despite the fact I had already spent 60 hours with you. So the moment those ending credits ended I immediately started new game plus to not only re-experience the story, but also to take some different paths than what I did my first time around.
You see Persona 4 Golden... I don't want our time together to be over. I am crazy about you despite your flaws. I may have been praising you this whole time but you and I both know you have some flaws. Like how some of the decisions throughout the game tend to not change things too dramatically, and even getting one of the lead characters your girlfriend surprising changed basically nothing as far as I could tell. That and how the difficulty curve from one enemy to another in the same dungeon on the same floor would rise so high that it's hard to believe they're on the same level. Then the last thing that comes to mind is the fact that the weapons and armor is crazy expensive and getting the money for it can be a bit of a chore.
Now I know there are probably some other flaws here and there but that's not important. What's important is how amazing of a game you are. If I had an actual rating system I could imagine giving you a higher rating than most anything else I've played the last few years. I loved 3D Dot Game Heroes, but that had it's problems. Been loving the Assassin's Creed games, but those definitely have their problems as well. Basically I can't imagine which game in the last five or more years I've enjoy as much or more than you my love. The closest thing would be Metal Gear Solid 4, but that was way back in 2008. And honestly the only time the immersion broke for me was when it seemed like most of the girls I met in the game automatically developed a crush for my character with little to no hints of it when the characters are in a group. But that's a minor complaint cause everything else is done SO WELL! I can't let some minor inconsistencies or bizarre character choices go. No game is perfect and this is a game ported forward from a previous era. If modern games can't cover all bases I can't expect a PS2 game of this size to do that.
In the end I think I've fallen madly in love with you Persona 4 Golden. We've spent so much time together already and I know we'll spend even more time together in the future. At least until I earn that platinum trophy.

I Have a Dream(cast) Review Vol #2: Tokyo Bus Guide

Availability: Released only in Japan. Was also an arcade release. Unsure of international ports and re-releases but there have been none in America. Making it still very much a Japan exclusive.

Region Played: Japanese version, obviously.

Review: I am really excited about this one because it will be my first Japanese exclusive review. This version of the game nor any of it's sequels ever got an American release on home consoles or in arcades (that I was able to find). And I must say there's a lot of excitement behind this for me. I haven't dabbled in the Japanese exclusive games in years. Mostly because I didn't have the money to import or consoles that were easy enough to work around or mod to allow imports to play. The last one was when I used to have a Sega Saturn with a special cartridge that allowed me to play them. I am kicking myself for not having that anymore. Otherwise I know the PS3 doesn't have a region lock, but there isn't a lot I'm interested in on it that are exclusive to Japan. Also those games are still wicked expensive to import. I'm just glad that Deadly Premonition recently got a PS3 release in America so I don't have to import it for $60+ (almost did). So when I picked up a Dreamcast again I wanted to jump back on the bandwagon right away. Granted this bandwagon is for a gaming console that is over ten years old but I digress.
I do have a theory on why this was never released in America. A theory I'm sure anyone who plays this game for more than five minutes can come up with. This is the type of game that would not appeal to the American audience in a mass market sense. This is a type of game that can fall under the work genre. Ironically there are a series of games out now that feel like work because they're so tedious but those are different than this and related games (See Densha De Go Go!). Where games like Farmville or Sim City thrive, those are based in point, click, point, click, reward. They're strict in a sense but can be played casually. The thing with Tokyo Bus Guide is that it requires as much concentration as actual driving can. And no I don't mean in the same sense playing a Gran Turismo game even though that's technically a simulation driving game. What sets this game apart and would make it unappealing to the average American audience is it's strictness. But before that, my initial impressions.

Not knowing what to expect I don't jump right into story mode. I knew I would need to get an idea on how this game wanted me to handle things and I wanted to be ready for when the game recorded my actions. So lucky for me there's a free play mode! I fire it up, I see all the people get on the bus, and I drive off. I barely left the bus station before the game failed me and I had to restart. I was really confused. I kept playing over and over seeing what each button does but I keep failing before I even get to the next stop! You see, whenever you do something wrong the game flashes up what you did wrong in bold red and then tells you how many points you lost. Your "health" bar in the bottom left corner tells you how much is left and if that goes empty that's when you lose, of course. Here's the problem, I don't speak or read a word of Japanese. The game tells me exactly what I'm doing wrong only I can't read it. After some more trial and error I went online to find out more info. Keep in mind I couldn't refer to the manual for obvious reasons. After I got the details down I was off and running for quite a while before the stage ended again. Still working through the kinks in my initial playthrough.

This is the number one reason why I don't think this game would fly in America, both today and when it originally came out in 1999. The game is very strict. Not only do you have to pay as much attention to how you drive as when you drive an actual car, you'll have to pay even more attention because you have more responsibilities. Here's a quick rundown of the basics. When you're ready to leave you first have to close the bus doors manually, then you signal to leave the stop you're at, slowly make your way onto the road (you can't ram the pedal and speed off), every turn you'll have to use your turn signal, stay in your lane when you do turn, make sure to follow each light properly, etc, etc, etc. So you have to follow every rules of the road but even more strict than you probably learned in driving school. Also since it's Japan they drive on the left side of the road and it could throw off American (Fuck yeah!) audiences. A minor thing but still something that could be a turn off. This is the same country where audiences will reject some of the best films ever created because there's subtitles. Playing through it's strict rules is tough and requires a lot of patience to get used to. This is especially the case if you're used to driving in games like Burnout or GTA.
Actually, my first playthrough of this game made me think of back in middle school when my friends and I would try to play good guy GTA. We would follow all the rules of the road and try to cause as little commotion as possible. It would only last about a couple minutes before we go on a mass genocide again. But the thing with other driving games like GTA are that they're built for mayhem. Those games are not realistic with their driving (well, maybe besides GTAIV but even that isn't quite "realistic" enough). Now comparing that to Tokyo Bus Guide it's somewhat more realistic than other driving games at the time. I'm glad it's not too realistic, though. It's hard enough to drive around without causing disasters in most video games. So while Tokyo Bus Guide is strict and challenging it's not that terrible difficult to get used to once you know what to do. You don't have to be constantly straightening out the bus while driving it like, well, you know, real life driving. Once you're on a long stretch of road across a bridge you can just hold your finger on that right trigger and you're off good until you hit a turn. Essentially the driving mechanics are pretty simple. However they are still tough to maintain because of gamer instincts fighting you the whole time to drive absolutely insane and kill some pedestrians.

I guess if this game is anything it's time consuming. There are actually a lot of levels to this and you can't just blaze through it. Because of it's strict nature it will force you to take your time. Because of that strictness you'll also want to keep going back to improve on your old score and see if you can do better. This makes it a great bang for your buck if it winds up being something you get into. I even didn't mind the music that accompanied the game. It's soft and soothing making for an easy ride. The only stressful parts are the rules of the road combined with the big red warnings telling you you're messing up. The only thing that may grow old is the visuals of the game.

To put it simply this game is not nice to look at. I always try to take things in within the context of the time. So when I play an NES game I want it to have that old-school 8-bit look and feel because that's what belongs there because that's what was there. The same goes for a modern console. It doesn't have to push boundaries but it should at least take somewhat advantage of the hardware at use. I'm immediately reminded of the White Knight Chronicle games which are surprisingly unappealing visually despite being first party Playstation 3 games. So when I play a Dreamcast game, a console that was technologically speaking absolutely incredible for the late 90s, I can't help but feel disappointed when I look at this game's visuals. In short, this game looks like it belongs on the Sega Saturn. It's visuals are pretty weak. When the passengers walk onto the bus it's not polygonal characters with actual motion, it's blurry 2D sprites that fade in an out to different areas on and off the bus to show movement. Compared to other third party Dreamcast games it's unacceptable. I'll accept the cutscenes which are static images of people on the bus because they're actually full on characters. But when you've got a game where the visuals in Blue Stinger (Which looks terrible despite being on the Dreamcast) look better you know you've got a problem. Come to think of it, the piss poor 2D sprites mixed into the 3D world in Super Mario 64 look better than this.
I'm coming down on the game a little too hard. After all I really do like it. Despite the poor visuals this game really is engaging. Luckily the visuals I mentioned only show up in a few spots. Most of the time you're looking at either the road from behind the bus or in the bus. And the visuals are still pretty poor polygons but not distractingly poor. Another one of those small details I feel is worth mentioning is that the game provides you with four angles to drive by. You can either have directly behind the bus, an awkward angle looking down at the bus, first person in the bus with a visual of the front window and steering wheel ahead of you, or the same first person but no extra visual of the front window. Personally my favorite is the last one listed. I like the inside visual without the extra stuff all around. The view from behind is fine except it's hard to tell when you're gonna run into the car in front of you. I don't like the overhead view because it's hard to navigate. Then lastly I don't like the view inside with the wheel and such because of how it treats turns. Whenever I turn so does the camera slightly as if it's the drivers head turning. I don't like this because I find it confusing and makes it harder to control. Otherwise I would love to have the wheel and everything for the aesthetic alone. Matter of fact, I really want to get a steering wheel controller just for this game to complete the experience.

I definitely would recommend this game if you can get your hands on it. It's one of the most unique games (as an American) you'll probably ever play. I haven't played the sequel(s) on the PS2 but I can't imagine they're a lot different. Outside of fine tuning some of the weaker points I can't imagine what else you could do to expand outside of new maps. And that's not a bad thing. The game knows what it wants to be and sticks to it. It is crazy strict but if it were easy and forgiving then it could be blazed through in no time at all, making it less interesting. I doubt it would ever be re-released in America but if you have a Dreamcast it's not hard to get. You can buy a special disc from NCSX to play imports and then go to Game of Japan where you can get it for a little under $20 (minus shipping). This was one of the first imports I got after re-buying a Dreamcast. Not the first import I ever got for it but it was for my most recent run with the Dreamcast. Give it a shot cause it is FAAAAAAAAANtastic!

Ignorant American Gaming: Juggernaut

Availability: Was only released for Playstation back in 1998 in Japan and 1999 in America. No ports or re-releases currently available.

Version I Played: Only one available. Specifically the American release.

Review: In case you haven't noticed I am a big fan of horror and things that are generally speaking pretty fucked up. Hard to say exactly what the story is behind it but I do enjoy the thrill of terror. Not the kind of terror that comes with a roller coaster but the kind where you feel like that killer or demon on the screen or on the page may very well be in the room with you in the dark. And when they're a bit more on the fucked up side (aka not what you may see coming and what does come is really out there) it sometimes enhances the experience depending how it is used. Those factors put together is one of the many reasons I was drawn to Juggernaut. And I would say my initial draw to it was in a few stills I found, much like when I discovered D. Take a look at the back cover art for example.

Honestly that was enough to draw me in. I could tell it wasn't a traditional modern horror themed game. It was even more old school than I thought. It's a point a click adventure game, or as much of a point and click can be for a home console (ala Myst or D). And despite poor reviews I found myself too stubborn and wanted to see it for myself. Honestly for the most part I was not disappointed.

The plot is a good mixture of old and new ideas. The game starts out where you're called upon because your girlfriend is demon possessed. So you go to her home where a priest performing an exorcism and explains what has happened up to that point. By the end of this explanation he tells you that in order to save her you'll need to enter her soul to draw out the demon. So the game does not actually take place in the physical world. It takes place in a spiritual world within your [lady's] soul. I thought this was a great and innovative approach to handle an exorcism instead of a game that involves you running around town refilling the holy water containers and all around what you would expect from an exorcism like in The Exorcist. This allows things to get really fucked up, because in case you haven't noticed things can get really fucked up in one's head. Way more than in real life. What does follow is a very wide range of locations and events that all are bizarre in their own right.

The first place you go is to this beach/forest area. And the first thing you see is a view of what appears to either be a lake or ocean, and in the sky is a blood red moon. It's a really eerie image and a great way to start a game. One thing I should make clear before continuing is that I feel that early pre-rendered 3D modeling can be really creepy without really trying. It's a different type of uncanny/creepy similar to modern 3D modeling where it looks really realistic, but just off enough for it to be off-putting (See Polar Express or the new TinTin). I don't find that stuff creepy. Well, not as much as this older type at least. Now when this older style of 3D modeling tries horror, oh boy can it be creepy. It's a bizarre view since you can tell the developers are really trying to make it as realistic as possible within their limitations, but it isn't quite there yet. As a result a lot of the imagery turns out much creepier for me than it would if it were in a stronger graphics engine. Also since it's all pre-rendered it is much smoother a presentation, which makes it creepier for me because it looks a bit more "realistic" that way. And lastly, it's almost entirely still images. There is some animation when walking from one location to the next, but otherwise it's all still. I find still images way creepier than seeing things in motion because it allows my imagination to run wild. Also there is something strange about seeing something so still, especially when you're experiencing it in a medium where you're used to it moving. Really hard for me to explain and have you understand. But in an effort to make more sense, I on a normal day would find the image below on top creepier than the image on the bottom:

So this is going to be the standard for what style will be seen throughout the rest of the game. But what kind of stuff could be happening inside this girl's demon possessed head? Well, quite a bit of random scary shit that's for sure. Through the first chunk of the game you'll find yourself walking through a forest and exploring brick and wood homes/towers for clues on where to go next. It's here that you'll discover one of the games biggest flaws. It doesn't have a good balance of difficulty. Some of the puzzles will be really, really easy, and others will be way too complicated. One I got stuck on early in the game was when you're supposed to know what path to take through a series of doors based on the sound they make when you approach them. Your only clue is in the first room by listening to a record player. Then with each room you go into you have to figure out which of three doors it would be. And a lot of the noises sound similar. Honestly, that's when I busted out the youtube videos because it was getting frustrating.
And that's something with this game and this genre that doesn't always meld well with me. I don't have a huge amount of experience with point and click adventure games. My specialty is more along the lines of platformers, RPGs, and puzzle games. And there are critical thinking elements in each of those in their own respect, RPGs more than the rest, but point and click adventure games is not just about using logic, but the logic the game creates. Sometimes that logic is really wacky and one can wonder how anyone would have ever thought to use said item in said way. It's a world of wonder and you really have to get in the right mindset of that world. In short I like adventure games but I'm no good at them.
Now with Juggernaut it definitely has those puzzles. I always try to avoid using a guide as much as possible but there were parts that I definitely needed it. And I tried, believe me I tried. But once I was able to figure out what to do next I found another problem with the game. It will make you do the runaround so much. There's a lot of backtracking and running around here there and everywhere. And this is expanded because of some mechanics you have to deal with later in the game. This is something that unfortunately takes a big jab at the game overall. I constantly want to keep moving along with the game but sometimes what I need to do is so tedious it makes me want to shut it off. I'm just glad the theme and initial story of the game kept me going. That and wondering what could come next because the game was already coming off as unpredictable in it's first couple hours.

For me the game came much more alive and the creep factor went way up when you enter the mansion. First to even get in you have to talk to these strange men in coats and masks (See the image I posted a few paragraphs ago). The weird thing is that there doesn't appear to even be a front door to the mansion as you have to essentially be transported into the mansion through a painting. Now I found the mansion way creepier than the forest stuff. Why? Another personal creep factor. I've always loved the haunted house type of horror. It's a lot like being trapped without an easy escape. Also it adds a factor of claustrophobia because there's very little ways to escape. Also, and I think this is something we can all relate to, being alone at home in the dark can be some scary shit. It's like you can get this sense of anxiety thinking that someone or something is waiting in the next room to get you. Anyway, I love it cause haunted houses and the like are really scary to me.
For the most part the mansion is what you would expect until you get into some of the deep nooks and crannies where all the creepy stuff is hidden. For example you find a machine that provides you with a body. It's hard to describe so take a look back at the back cover of the game case and you'll see a shot in the upper right hand corner. It's between that body and a smaller body in a separate machine where you can access different areas or even use certain keys in certain locks. It's a good way to add variety to the game where you need to explore or factor into puzzles how you'll progress with either a large or small body. However this is yet another time when things get tedious. Rarely are the two machines for the different sized people near each other. So realizing you should have jacked into the small body when you're in the big body across the mansion is a pain cause you have to trail all the way back to the other machine to get it. And sometimes that'll take time to get back to it.
That aside what feels like the main goal first and foremost is to collect reels of film throughout the place to reveal a video that would help you move forward. Not much to say about the journey to get the film besides tedious. But once you get them all together it makes a bizarre and creepy video. It's another one of those things that's hard to describe but it essentially opens up a portal to another part of this world. In other words you literally choose between three doors and then walk through them via the projection. Keep in mind this is all in someone's mind so anything is possible.

At the time of this review I still have not beaten this game and I actually had to start from scratch when I replaced my old, YLOD PS3 last year. The farthest I got was into one of those extended worlds within the projection where I found myself walking around the internet (Talk about a change of pace). So I will take some time to complete the game to the very end and add an extension to the review when that happens. I have played enough for now to know where it's going and I have a feeling it'll will be a lot of the same, which ironically means more surprises with not being able to predict what comes next. The game is three discs long which means it provides quite a long set of gameplay and I was only on disc two when I had to start over. I've got a long way to go. But I wouldn't feel guilty watching a Let's Play to get me back where I was.
At the end of the day this game fascinates me at best. I'm interested in where it's going and there's been plenty of creepy things to give me chills down my spine whether they intended to or not. Yes the game can get weird in a not good way and the way it handles itself can be corny from time to time, but it's still cool. Hard to recommend cause I feel it take a special kind of game to get into this game. Maybe if you enjoy D like I do then you could give it a shot. Hard to recommend to point and click adventure players cause it would pale in comparison to other games in the genre. So my overall opinion is that it's kinda a game for me but I'm not sure who else. There's enough to keep ME interested but I don't know if YOU will be as forgiving as I am. It has it's problems, but I still like it.

If America Made It: It probably wouldn't be much different. Have you ever played Phantasmagoria? That and this were released only a few years apart. Pretty similar in how they're both really fucked up but have completely different approaches. I'm trying to think what would be different and the only thing I can think of is in concepts and slight differences in execution. Otherwise I imagine it would be pretty similar.

Review: Birdemic: Shock and Terror

Version I Own: Blu-ray. Nothing like shit in HD.

History: This joke of a movie actually has a bit of a fun and rich history. James Nguyen has no formal training for film making outside of watching a lot of Hitchcock movies while growing up. His love for the cinema gave him enough motivation to make movies independently. He made two movies before this one, Julie and Jack and Replica. It wound up taking four years to complete Birdemic. However it was because shooting would be done mostly on the weekends making it spread out over a long period of time. Also there was a long period of time before he was able to get a distributor. So a movie that started filming in 2006 didn't get released until 2010. James Nguyen actually tried to submit his film into Sundance but was (as you can imagine) denied. After this happened he drove around Sundance in a large van painted and handed out flyers to promote his movie. However on this promotional material he misspelled the name of his own movie as Bidemic, with a sub title that stated "Why did the eagles and vultures attacked?". I should point out now that English isn't his first language. In the end the movie cost around $10,000 to make and quickly became an instant cult classic. The distributors wound up spending more on promoting the movie and purchasing the rights to it. Now it has a following similar to The Rocky Horror Picture show where people have things they say and do at different parts of the movie. A sequel has since been made and is currently available for digital purchase on the movie's website. I'm personally waiting for the DVD release.

Personal History: I have seen this one at least three times and plan on watching it again and again and again. I've still got to watch it with commentary (and there are multiple tracks).

Review: Every year there are a ton of bad movies. Movies that were made with little care in order to turn over a quick buck maybe with a famous face or theme. These are easily passed by and forgotten. Also they're usually pretty hard to get through because they're boring in lacking essential features to a story. Then there will also be movies so bad that were made with such little care or were made with good intentions but they fall so flat that it needs to be avoided cause you will get nothing out of it. But then there are movies that are so bad, SO BAD, some done seriously and others as a joke that the bad turns around and becomes a good. Famous examples of these include Plan 9 From Outer Space (or anything Ed Wood did, really), The Room, and Troll 2. But there was a movie released as recent as three years ago that became an instant classic. A movie that had such strong intentions but failed so badly that it makes Ed Wood look competent. That movie is Birdemic: Shock and Terror.

Here's the thing. The movie is so bad in such a great way that I don't even know where to begin. The basic plot of the movie is that a young couple fights to survive when birds suddenly start attacking people out of what seems like nothing. So basically it's the plot of The Birds. And that's one of the many things you'll notice about this movie. James Nguyen is a big fan of Alfred Hitchcock and it's easy to see that The Birds was inspiration for this movie. And by inspiration I mean total ripoff. On top of this he tries to add in other elements Hitchcock used, like suspense, a love story, and hidden bits and pieces here and there. Well it has all of those things. Too bad (or wonderfully?) all of these themes failed to be any good or subtle. In short this is a case of an incompetent filmmaker thinking he's better than he really is and takes things way too seriously. So without further Apu I bring you my commentary and extensive synopsis of Birdemic: Shock and Terror.

I was gonna use a series of time codes and send you to the movie on youtube but now they make you pay for the rental so poo poo.

The first thing anyone will notice is the production quality. This movie was made with essentially a consumer level digital camera showing it's level of "cheapness" to it. Now I want to take a sidebar for a second. Just because they're using a digital camera doesn't mean the movie will automatically be crap. A lot can be done with those cameras and very well I may add. One fine example of this is David Lynch's Inland Empire. That title was made entirely on the cheaper, more consumer friendly digital cameras. It's got a unique look to it different than actual film but it's still VERY well done and actually feels like a movie more than a home video (like you may get the feeling from with some of these digital cameras). That was before this movie was made but just by a few years. Granted this movie was made over the course of four years but that's not because it needed that much time and attention, it was a scheduling conflict situation. So a quality movie can come from these types of cameras, but in this case it was used horribly and gives the whole movie a very cheap look.
Speaking of cheap, take a listen to the music. How much more stock can you get with that music? Between that, the unnecessarily long shots, and the slow opening credits you know you're in for a "wild ride." And as a side note, James Nguyen made up some of the credits to make the movie appear more professional. James, James, James, it's gonna take a lot more than that to make this look professional.

Once the movie starts you'll be able to tell how cheap it is on so many more levels. Whoever shot this movie (Probably James) didn't know what they were doing because in the first few minutes alone the focus of the shot is way in the wrong area or the shot holds for way too long. Which brings me to the editing. The editing is terrible because it gives no sense of direction or provides good pacing. When our "hero" first appears on screen he is walking down the street to get some breakfast. What could have easily been a shot of him parking and then cutting into the restaurant with him already sitting down looking at the menu they felt it needed to go on a lot longer than that. First he had to get out of his car, then he has to walk across the street, then he has to walk down the street, walk in the restaurant, say hello to the hostess, then get seated by the hostess, hand him the menu, and tell him she'll be back with him in a moment. Keep in mind this all happens slowly, with no music, wooden movements, and again horrible editing to go along with it. And that's just the start of it all. There are so many examples of terrible scenes in this movie, but all you have to know from here on out is how cheap it looks. Sweet, sweet, terrible looking, cheap.
As promised there is romance in this movie and it doesn't wait around (unlike the bird attack). In the first scene is when our hero meets the love interest. They... hit it off? This is the most wooden acting I've ever seen. The guy makes an automated voice message system have character and charisma. Well in the story they start going out right away. This seems weird cause they just met but we soon find out they went to high school together. However they never hung out or anything so it still seems weird cause they essentially did just meet in a restaurant and they're talking quite personally and communicating like they've been together forever. It's painful to watch them on their dates, mostly because so much time is spent on them. And when they're not slowly walking around town while the camera follows them they are having long drawn out conversations that feel more like interviews than an actual conversation. Something very similar happens when the girl has the guy meet her mother. The mother just sits there and keeps on talking, telling the story of her life in a dull, drawn out manner. There's no engaging from her daughter or the young man, just talking like it's an interview for a local TV show. And this isn't something that's just wrong with the acting (which is some of the worst you'll ever see) but just as much with the writing.
James Nguyen clearly has no idea what he's doing in terms of telling a story. His method of exposition is to just tell you. He doesn't just show you anything or lets the story tell itself. It's all in your face "THIS IS WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT" type talk. Even the not so subtle, not so hidden messages in the movie are more present and in your face than the actual bird attack. The whole movie has this heavy "going green" theme with other related material. One of my favorite not so subtle lines is at the end of the double date. The lead guy starts the scene with, "What a great movie. An Inconvenient Truth." First it's weird that this would be a double date movie as opposed to a fun action movie or a comedy, also why would you say out loud what movie you just saw as if they didn't know? But what makes this line so great to me is that it's delivered on top of so much that's already been said and will be said with going green. These other examples include a news report in a couple different scenes that talks about global warming, our hero purchases and installs solar panels on his roof, he pulls together an energy saving product for his company and sells it for something like a million dollars. How the hell should I know, this movie barely communicates anything properly. It's got no subtlety and whenever it feels the need to REALLY tell you something it is in your face about it. Cause not only does it have this going green message but also a message for peace. I swear, there is a line late in the movie where one character says, and I quote, "Why can't we just give peace a chance?"...I was speechless.

But what about the birds? Isn't this a movie about bird attacks? Well, yea, but the reason why I'm taking so long to get to it is because the movie does the exact same thing. Before the actual attack there are two moments that either show or reference birds and they're both in scenes when our beautiful love interests are on dates. One is simply looking up at a tree and seeing a group of birds flying around it. The other is on the beach when they find a dead bird. Now they didn't use real birds for these scenes. No living birds are on set here. Want to know how they were presented, then? I'll get to that in just a second. So, anyway, there is all this BS about how wonderful life is going and continues to get better for our heroes for forty-freaking-seven minutes and there have only been two scenes with birds. Neither of which are attacking. Now we come to one of my favorite parts of the movie. At the halfway point of the movie just when things just can't seem to get any better our lovely lovers decide they're really horny. They rent a motel room (why they couldn't do this at one of their homes I don't know cause we never got the hint either of them have roommates) and have sex. Just before the sex starts there is one of the most awkward and painful to watch make out scenes you'll ever see.
Fade to black.
Fade back in and we're treated to some extended shots around the town. It's shots from far away to show the town's... skyline?... Some shots of cars driving around, the beach, shops, just totally random unrelated material. It's literally filler and doesn't have any meaning in terms of transitioning. However this is where the split on the movie is. It's where one movie ends and another begins. You know, the movie that should have been playing this whole time!!!!! But why this is one of the best parts to me is because the tone of the movie changes so drastically I had to go to the hospital for whiplash. After these peaceful, long shots of random activity around town the movie fades to black again, and when it fades back in there are birds FUCKING EVERYWHERE! It's essentially the birdpocalypse out of absolutely nowhere. On top of just seeing them flying around they are literally attacking by throwing themselves to the ground and EXPLODING! This is all so amazing first because it's hilarious how quickly they show up. Then the background shots the birds are presented in front of are just daily life so you see people walking and driving around like nothing is happening. But the best part of all this are the birds themselves. The birds are all CG and it is some of the worst CG you will every see. They're poorly animated so they look far from natural. On top of that they lack any sort of texture to their bodies. And lastly it's just the same animation used over an over again. There's flying left or right across the screen, circling, staying in one spot in the air, and diving toward the screen or to the left or right at a side angle. That's about it. It screams hilarity especially when our heroes start fighting the birds cause they are just waving their "weapons" (wire hangers I shit you not) in the air. But since the birds don't interact it looks horrendously hilarious.
This really is when the movie picks up. However you had to go through so much just to get to this point that it does become difficult at parts to keep moving forward with it. Unfortunately that's the case with these good bad movies. The "gimmick" if it being so bad it's good doesn't always hold up throughout the entire thing and it starts to ware off towards the end. There were definitely parts toward the end of Birdemic when that was happening. The movie is so hilariously bad it's enjoyable. But keep in mind it's still bad. It's only entertaining in it's flaws. But sitting through a 90 minute movie that is filled with nothing but bad is still hard to get through despite how good it may be. You stop caring and a lot of the bad is just getting repeated. But that doesn't mean there isn't notable spots in the second half.

It's so hard to talk about this movie without simply describing the scenes. But the problem with this type of movie is that it's really seen to be believed. If you didn't follow my time codes for when certain things happen then I urge you to go back to get some examples of what I mean. They're really funny out of context but even better in context cause you're not expecting them. So whether you take my examples or watch it as a whole I urge you to check it out if you're a fan of good bad movies.

P.S. http://www.birdemic.com/