Saturday, May 30, 2015

Clover Reviews Volume 1 -> Episode 51

Welcome back my friends to another episode of...

CLOVER REVIEWS!


Today's review:



"The concept was a bit underutilized... but it had that old timey future look to it. That was cool."









That's all for today. Join us every Saturday for more movie recommendations from our fuzzy friend.
Don't forget that Clover gladly takes requests. Her aim is to please you, the reader.

Sunday, May 24, 2015

Clover Reviews Volume 1 -> Episode 50

Welcome back my friends to another episode of...

CLOVER REVIEWS!


Today's review:




"Do I really have to explain how this one turned out?"









That's all for today. Join us every Saturday for more movie recommendations from our fuzzy friend.
Don't forget that Clover gladly takes requests. Her aim is to please you, the reader.

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Clover Reviews Volume 1 -> Episode 49

Welcome back my friends to another episode of...

CLOVER REVIEWS!


Today's review:





"More delayed, awkward conversations per capita than any movie I can think of... makes it very slow for an 82 minute comedy."









That's all for today. Join us every Saturday for more movie recommendations from our fuzzy friend.
Don't forget that Clover gladly takes requests. Her aim is to please you, the reader.

Sunday, May 10, 2015

7 Hauntings - Final Night: The Ghost Dimension + My Final Thoughts


When I first started working on this seven part special I was hoping to see The Ghost Dimension to offer a more accurate thought on the status and future of the franchise. It had said online for a while that it would be released in March. Well when I started this special in not so much as a trailer or poster was released so it gave me cause for concern. Sadly (I think) it has been delayed to later this year. Something that has me worried since it's officially been "quite a while" since the last movie in the trend these had been coming out.

But the story doesn't end there.

After doing some digging I found out this isn't the first time it was delayed. The Ghost Dimension was originally set to be released in October 2013, keeping in the annual tradition. But that made me wonder. The Marked Ones also referenced originally set for October 2013 before being delayed three months, releasing in January 2014. Does that mean The Marked Ones was pushed forward after something happened with the production of Ghost Dimensions? And these movies are cheap and don't seem that complicated to make (comparatively) so why such a long delay? Are we going to get a 2013 movie marked as a new release when 2015 is close to over?

An odd trend lately...

...releasing delayed movies...

...long after they were promised.

Regardless of what The Ghost Dimension is I highly doubt it would save the franchise or give it new life in the public eye. Like other franchises, Paranormal Activity was a fad to many people. It was a scary movie, highly overrated or not to some, that came out a while ago and hasn't been thought of much since. The box office has slowly been dropping so the numbers are there, showing the world isn't interested in this franchise anymore. And you know what... that's fine... cause the story kept getting worse and more convoluted as the movies went on. And it got bad quicker than most other horror franchises.

Story isn't as much of an issue in most horror franchises. Some of the most popular have been popular because of their entertainment value based on the excitement of kills or even the sheer fun of watching over any actual scared. Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street being the most popular examples. Two horror icons of the slasher genre that pumped out oodles of movies including at least one remake of each and a crossover. Do those movies have good stories? Sometimes... but they're stories that don't rely on every movie being connected other than "Oh shit... he's back."
Granted those movies had comical elements to them and had more freedom because of their traditional storytelling style. The filmmakers didn't have to worry about the found footage style. All they really had to worry about was kills and thrills. Which makes me sound like I'm trying to say Paranormal Activity had to hold itself up to a higher standard than other horror franchises. Not saying it had to... but it could have... and instead shat it's pants and passed out in it's own puddle of piss. Mostly because it tried to be something it didn't set out to be and tried to connect all the movies in a wild way when it didn't have to.

Now it could have been cool to connect all the movies in a different way. It had that potential of having a strong arc across multiple movies. Instead it reminded me of what Saw did only much, much worse.
Paranormal Activity started making poor choices very early on, having the "we're obviously making this shit up as we go along" element show up like in Saw. And, yes, Saw had far fetched connections and twists but it was handled so much better and kept things exciting. Part 5 has it's issues and most of part 6 and 7 were fucking stupid... but at least it got through that many before reaching that level, arguably, as opposed to Paranormal Activity that hit a super bad level by part 2.

There's not much more to say about this franchise that I haven't already said. This could have been so much better a run that could have really done something for both the found footage genre and the horror genre as a whole. Really bring subtly back to the mainstream in horror. So disappointing how it all turned out. At least I have my memories of seeing the original for the first time. A very unique experience that I partially relive every time I rewatch it.

My predictions from here are simple. The Ghost Dimensions will come out, no one will care, it won't make a lot of money, and will probably be terrible. It will likely keep things open for the potential of more movies but I don't see more coming. It won't have the foresight to call it "the final chapter" like Saw did. It'll just continue the downward spiral out of the public eye like it's been doing for the last couple years.

Rest in peace Paranormal Activity. You may have been a disappointing franchise but I'll always love what made you great in the first place.

Saturday, May 9, 2015

Clover Reviews Volume 1 -> Episode 48

Welcome back my friends to another episode of...

CLOVER REVIEWS!


Today's review:





"If you like movies about old men losing their temper and swearing a lot, this documentary is for you!"









That's all for today. Join us every Saturday for more movie recommendations from our fuzzy friend.
Don't forget that Clover gladly takes requests. Her aim is to please you, the reader.

Friday, May 8, 2015

7 Hauntings - Night 6: Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones


History: Initially teased during an after credits sequence at the end of Paranormal Activity 4, a scene only shown in theatres. It hinted at taking a Latino direction in the franchise, for a lack of better terms.
This installment was different in many ways. One, it wasn't part of the main story. It was a spinoff set in the same universe but not the same characters. Also, due to longer production time it was released in January 2014, breaking the Halloween tradition the last four installments had.
It was received with mixed to negative reviews, but slightly higher than Paranormal Activity 4. With that said it was another financial success like every other installment, but was the lowest earning. Even on opening weekend it ranked #2 in the top 10 just behind Frozen, which was in it's 7th week in the top 10. Says a lot either about the insane popularity of one movie, or the depleting interest in a franchise. In the end it earned roughly $90 million.

Personal History: Skipped this one theatrically after how bad #4 was. Once again I am thankful for Netflix, so I don't have to rent it elsewhere for more money or... worse yet... buy the DVD to satisfy my curiosity.

Version I Watched: Netflix instant streaming of the unrated extended cut.

Review: UUUUGGGGGHHHHHbllleeeeeeggghhhh..... I don't want to do this... but for the sake of completion I will tackle this garbage.

First off it didn't help I didn't even want to watch this. Thinking back to even the trailer of this movie I could tell how dumb and bad it would be. And since I was hot off the disappointment of part 4 I knew I wouldn't like this. And trust me, it's not like I went in with good expectations. I just tend to know what I will like and I was predicting this would be one I would not like. But what about it was bad? Plenty. And to repeat myself from my last review... where do I begin?

To get the obvious out of the way I hated how paint by numbers this one was.
My primary complaint of the previous titles, in case you didn't fully read the last few reviews (or at all) one of my most common complaints is how the newest movie is a rehash of the old with some new ideas that don't always work, making it uninteresting. While each entry has had varied levels of success this one didn't event try.
I wouldn't be surprised if this was some separate script rolling around studios (probably called The Marked Ones) and was hastily turned into a Paranormal Activity movie to continue banking on the success of the franchise.

Every step this entry takes is so typical and so cliche of possession movies. There are the people who think it is stupid or not real, our heroes. There's a crazy person who is made fun of but is clearly the first antagonist we meet who will open a door to the insanity that follows. There's a scene when the demon CLEARLY possesses our hero. Then when they realize there's a demon they do demon research and discover it's dark history. Lastly things slowly getting worse and worse in his life until it either A) completely takes him over, or B) there's a ritual to rid him of the demon. Guess what... this one had both, technically.

Almost any other example of this I would pass off as "well that was okay at best" but when it's trying to be part of a long running franchise it will definitely have a standard to live up to. I've said it before and I'll say it again, the first movie in this franchise is hands down one of the best horror movies to come out since the turn of the century. This being the fourth sequel (or I guess spin off as they are calling it online) doesn't mean it has to live up to those standards, but they could have at least tried.

As much as I hated part four at least they TRIED. Sure a lot of it turned out to be shit but they tried. They tried new methods of getting found footage, they tried a new perspective, they tried plenty of new or different things instead of resorting to Demon Possession Script Writing 101.
The Marked Ones is as simple and safe as this whole franchise has been. Everything you expect will happen does happen and it makes for a boring experience. I can't think of a single moment when I felt scared or unsettled, something that happened in at least one or multiple moments in the previous ones (well... the jury is out on four but I digress.) Everything was laid out for you with some of the loosest, laziest, and far fetched connections to the original story as possible. Then when they introduce new elements to the "lore" of the franchise it conflicts with what we've been told, or doesn't make sense to be there. Likely all in an attempt to further "amp it up" like previous titles tried.

I don't even want to try and describe what all I didn't like in the first and second act here, I'd rather talk about the last act and the ending because those were the worst and most far fetched.
But first I'd like to talk about the elephant in the room... racial insensitivity.

While there may be truth to this considering where this franchise takes place, southern California, I couldn't help but feel uncomfortable for the Latino perspective given in this movie. Mostly in comparison to the racial perspective of the previous movies.
From the first to the fourth all the Paranormal Activity movies have taken place in large homes populated by white families. The first time around this was because in order to save money by filming in the director's home, which happened to be pretty dang nice. Then the trend continued for the following titles because, I don't know, the first movie did it?
But then we get to the Latino story in this franchise and they're in a shitty part of southern California, have a multi-generational home in a two bedroom apartment, have to deal with gangs, and any other insulting stereotype you can fit into that. The whole thing made me uncomfortable and I actually found it distracting. Not because of where it was set or the fact that it was Latino, but because it hit on so many cliches and stereotypes of the race that it distracted from the darker elements of the movie.
Also they would constantly speak like a bunch of idiot teenagers who walk, talk, and act... umm... how do I put this... ghetto? Acting like they're gangsta? You know what I mean?

Moving on...

So, spoiler alert if you care, but I want to talk about the ending of the movie.
After our hero (whose name is Jesse, by the way) becomes fully possessed, his buddy and the girl he likes (Hector and Marisol) find out about a house where big wig wiccan rituals happen and believe he went there. So they get some help from a hardcore gang leader and his buddy, who show up to this house with guns like they're about to tear the place apart with bullets (okay, okay, they each had one gun but seriously it was overkill the type of guns they brought.)
This is where the attempt to connect this story to the previous comes into play with a slap in the face and/or pander to the fans of the franchise because the house they show up at is the same house from the end of part three. Katie and Kristi's grandma's house... the grandma that turned out to be a witch, which was to clumsily explain where the demon came from... I guess?
It doesn't take long for everything to start going to hell. One after another our heroes are picked off by crazy witches who all look like they're possessed, leaving Hector all alone running from these predators, including the cameo from grandmama from part three.

What happens next was the dumbest and most pandering thing possible.

After running around the house screaming a bunch Hector finds himself cornered in an upstairs room where all the windows are sealed from the outside with wooden planks. He is being chased by his possessed friend Jesse and his only two options are out the door he came in, against Jesse, or through a mysterious door in this room. He takes the mystery door, wherein the video jolts and breaks for a moment, and when it becomes clear again he found himself in Katie and Micah's home the night Katie killed Micah in the first movie. He witnesses Katie kill Micah in a perspective we couldn't see in the first movie, runs back to the door he came from and is killed by Jesse before he can make it.
The Marked Ones takes place in 2012, the first movie in 2006. Hector fucking time traveled to a different location in a different city. It didn't entirely come out of nowhere but it doesn't make it any less dumb.

Early in the movie there's a throwaway line about creating a portal to time travel. However this portal will only time travel to an unholy place. Perfect time to throw in some fan service. Because from a context and writing perspective this just didn't make a ton of sense. More of a coincidence. Based on the events presented after the first movie it would have made just as much sense for him to wind up in Kristi's home ala part two, or the end scene of part four when there was a mob of demon witches attacking Alex.
No, not here, this was a supposed seminal moment that was important to transport to despite later event suggesting bigger things happening in later installments.

Which brings me to something that has bugged me a lot about this franchise.
It seems like since they started making sequels they've tried deflating the experience Katie and Micah went through. In part two they were in more control against the demon, actually drawing it out of Kristi very easily. In part three we get the explosive end with the witches killing Katie and Kristi's family only to take them away (and give them amnesia I guess since they NEVER talk about this.) Then in part four Katie seems to host a coven party of her own. All of which are events and elements that are bigger and seem more prominent than what happened in part one.
So why bring him to that night outside of fan service? Wouldn't it have made more sense for him to come out of the same door, same room, but during the final scenes of part three. That feels more unholy and more appropriate than the since deflated events of the first movie where he only transported there because, well, it was the first movie.

This is technically a spin off and has very few actual connections to the rest of the movies so. Unless they make future movies that have key moments connected to what happens here I can't see this as a necessary watch. It's not like the other movies where you almost had to have seen the rest of the movies to understand fully what's going on, or to get references that could be important.
There's just nothing here worth checking out for the franchise. It doesn't even feel like it lives in the same world. It feels like something made independently and claims to be part of this world, with the exception of the last couple scenes at the end.

This movie is mediocre at best as a possession movie. As a Paranormal Activity movie it is terrible. Worse than four.

Thursday, May 7, 2015

7 Hauntings - Night 5: Paranormal Activity 4


History: Despite being the fourth installment, this was the first sequel in a literal sense. Set several years after the events of the first two, this installment focuses on a teenage girl who lives across the street from the house Katie moves into years after her last appearance and is raising the one year old she abducted at the end of the second movie.
Just like the last two this was produced and released a year after the last and kept the small budget going. Saying this was a financial success is no surprise, earning roughly $140 million. But it is currently the poorest reviewed of them all. The main criticisms stating it "played it safe" and "is for diehard fans only."
Despite the negative reviews this was the most varied in the way the "found footage" was recorded. Utilizing not just home video cameras, but also smartphones, Macbook Pro, and XBox Kinect.

Personal History: Seen it only once when it was in theatres fall 2012.

Version I Watched: Netflix instant streaming of the unrated extended cut.

Review: Remember all the positives I said for part 3? How it felt like there were still good ideas coming out of this franchise despite the flimsly and inconsistent story connections with the movies that came before it? Well put any hope of that coming up here because part 4 threw anything and everything that made the last three any good and threw it out the window to make this one something devoit of any suspense, tension, subtlety, or interest at all.
I desperately wanted to like this one. Desperately. At first I was surprised how good part 2 was (not so much anymore) and really enjoyed part 3, so I wanted to keep that trend going while avoiding the inevitable that the franchise would grow stale fast. Little did I realize just how quickly it would grow not only stale but mold and deteriorate right before my eyes.
When I first saw this I didn't know what to think because I wanted to like it so much, thinking it would get better with repeat viewings. The opposite happened.

I don't even know where to begin...

Well one thing this movie does is it attempts to move the story forward instead of going back with another prequel. Also it attempts to tell the story of a seemingly unrelated family experiencing this haunting with no connection to Katie until she and her abducted child show up. The plot kicks off when Katie (who we don't realize is her until the movie is almost done... but really who are we kidding here?) checks into the hospital and the family in focus is asked to watch over her kid for the time being. A creepy ass kid who, of course, causes a ton of weird shit to start happening.

Copy + Paste and print.

No it's not that simple. This is not a copy and paste job to cash in on the franchise. This experience was even worse than that. The execution of this was so bad that you'd think it was made by people who only heard about the previous movies but never saw them. And the main problem is... teenagers.
Having a movie starring teenagers isn't necessarily a bad thing. But it is hard for people to care about them in a low effort, R rated horror movie where your core audience can't get in. Regardless we mostly follow a teenage girl (anywhere from 14-16) and her kinda sorta boyfriend walking, talking, and acting like teenagers in all the worst ways.
This may seem like an unfair complaint but it really overflows into the tone and execution.
The main problem is it feels like it was written and shot by teenagers, performed by their family and friends, and therefore meant for a very specific audience, an audience that wasn't Paranormal Activity fans. Really this felt like it was made to be a PG-13 summer horror flick for teens to get scared by cheap thrills on a Friday night while sneaking in Buffalo Wild Wings and making out with their BF/GF in the back of the theatre. Or... this is the farthest the franchise fell from it's intelligent and subtle origins.

It's hard to rack up all the things wrong with this installment. They missed the mark on almost every single aspect.

As you can imagine I didn't like the characters but for different reasons. In the past I've disliked characters because I felt they were making bad choices or were jerks and idiots. These characters are simply nothing. They're blank slates covered in cookie cut characteristics and are non-memorable. Our hero, the teenage girl, could have been anyone that age. Her pseudo-boyfriend is obnoxious. Her parents barely exists as with her little brother. The kid they're watching over, Katie's "kid" looks like a poor man's imitation of Damien from The Omen. There's just nothing memorable character-wise.
Even poor Katie, the girl whose been a part of all these movies in some way, shape, or form was given jack shit to do and didn't even need to be here. Her delivery and motivation is lackluster at best, making it easy to see that she did this for the money and nothing else.
Characters aside the biggest crime was the tone of the movie and the presence of the demon.
There is no sense of dread or terror. It would have been better if this was handled closer to part 2, which had little going for it as is. Any real attempt at scares either fall flat or are the safe bet of jump scares. Nothing imaginative, nothing well thought out, just... nothing. Which is a shame because the best part of this movie was the new use of new cameras, giving potential to new scares.
In case you skipped the History section, part 4 utilized not just a home video camera, but also smartphones, webcams, and even the then new XBox Kinect. This is creative, inventive, and makes sense considering who stars in the movie. More sense than them running around with a home video camera constantly. There are extensive scenes shot entirely on iPhone and a webcam which caused a downgrade in video quality in a good way. Makes it feel a tad more real knowing they used the actual devices kids that age would use. It's the only element of the movie that truly enhanced the experience.

That enhanced experience is quickly destroyed by the piss poor way they handled the demon this time around. Before the demon's presence was hardly made known, and when it was it built plenty of tension around it, and even then it was minimalistic. Here he shows up so much he may as well have been a floating sheet screaming "BOO!"
The worst offender in this is the use of the Kinect. At one point our hero's boytoy shows everyone via night vision on his video camera how Kinect uses thousands of little lights to pick up body movement.

As you can see here.

Well... you guessed it... there are multiple scenes when there's a body of a person we can't see formed out of those dots. It's predictable, happens multiple times, and when it does it's not even scary. It looks stupid and is uninteresting. When they first showed the Kinect trick I thought it had potential. After seeing the results I realized I was wrong.
This, among other poorly paced and poorly placed scares, all leads up to an ending I'll admit I didn't see coming. I didn't see it coming because it came out of fucking nowhere and only made me ask questions like "what the hell?" and not in the way a good storyteller would want you to ask questions.

I could sit here and talk in more detail about what makes this one so bad but... ugh... that would be exhausting and rambling. Just take my word for it that this is the worst of the lot so far. As of writing this review I haven't watched The Marked Ones but it can't possibly be this bad. Could The Marked Ones do more to make the overall story more conviluted? Likely. But will it be this bad an execution? I doubt it. Little to nothing is redeeming here outside of the fact that it starts a pretty white blonde girl... a detail that hasn't won me over on a shitty movie since I was the same age as her...